I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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