he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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