He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
