I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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