What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
