Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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