I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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