Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Randomize
