I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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