your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
