I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
You're like the curious george of whores
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
