He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
