Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
