I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
