That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
