shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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