dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
