dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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