Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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