I think i peed on brittanys purse
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
