not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
