It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I still have a little drunk in my system
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
