Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
