I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Randomize