Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I could fuck to npr.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize