it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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