the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
