We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
