so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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