I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
