Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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