They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
