NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
