Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize