So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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