I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
