your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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