Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
