he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
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