My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Randomize
