Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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