mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
i now understand why vodka
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
