Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
