I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
