she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
porn star boner night. come get it.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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