Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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