My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
