I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
