put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
