the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
