A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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