There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Randomize
