the new term for farting is butt boxing.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
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