Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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