If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
