I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
