Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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