also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
