There is no way he is gay with that hair.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
