we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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