a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
