Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
