i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Sober January is a disaster.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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