Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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