He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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