Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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