he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
