Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize