I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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