When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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