the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
