my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
