There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
