mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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