Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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