After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Randomize
