we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
