Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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