She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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