we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize