yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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