Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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