dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
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