I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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