One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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