i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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