I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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