I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
