I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I just want to make out with him forever
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
