somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
