When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Randomize
