It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
My cat gives me a boner
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
