def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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