i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize