I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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