Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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