Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Randomize
