He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
