I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
