He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
