I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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