We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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