he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
