I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
