Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
it's not cheating when I paid for it
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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