someone get that fucking seahorse.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I'm having to shit out rocks
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