Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
