He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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