Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
